Word Eating (It’s not What you Think …)

Posted: July 23, 2014 in Uncategorized

Of all the pantomimes that come along with ass-kissing, word-eating has to be the worst! What’s that, you ask? It’s the series of physical traits that, when put together, appear as though someone is eating another’s words while those words are being spoken.

While it can be done while sitting down, the best word-eaters prefer to ply their trade while standing. They place one hand atop the other and then placed in front of the groin, as if to nullify the threat. Once the hands are properly placed, professional word-eaters lean forward at a polite angle – not quite 90 degrees, as too much can appear invasive – toward the person who’s speaking, as if they’re drawn to this man or woman of great import by some unseen yet powerful magnetic force. The next step is to open the mouth while simultaneously tilting the head back ever so slightly. A wide-eyed look is also required, as this this implies rapt attention and a high level of interest in what’s being said.

Now, imagine the person incorporating all of these traits while nodding their head in a quick jerks. When done in conversation, the professional word-eater looks as if he/she is doing just that: eating the important person’s words as he/she speaks them. Be on the lookout for such sycophantic and obsequious behavior, as it usually implies an unstable and potentially dangerous social situation.

That is all.

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