Wow! Some of us aren’t used to talking about tough topics, are we?
I’m referring to the reactions of some of my friends after they read my last blog entry, “So He Cheated: Here’s Why.” My lovely wife followed up with the counterpoint piece, “So She Cheated: Here’s Why” on her blog, as well. Given the amount of soul searching and healing that I’ve done over the past 5+ years, discussing topics such as this aren’t too much of a struggle for me, and my wife is certainly no shrinking violet either. In all my boldness, I forgot how little it takes for some of my friends to become unglued.
While most of my Facebook friends appreciated the brutally honest look into cheating, one of my female friends did not appreciate my viewpoint. To clarify, the thrust of my piece (no pun intended) was that there are certain behaviors that women engage in that might make it easy for their men to cheat. One friend in particular, Delilah Dogooder, took exception to my suggestion that a woman could be partially to blame. She denied doing any of the six reasons I listed and put all the blame for infidelity solely upon her ex-boyfriend. She then quickly wrapped up her statement with a cute little bow by saying, “end of story” and for her, I’m sure that it is.
I personally believe she’s taking the easy way out.
As much as I like Delilah, I think she’s living on a houseboat that’s floating in a river somewhere in Egypt. Whether she committed any of the six reasons I listed or simply makes horrible choices in men, she most definitely played an active role in all of her relationships, both good and bad. We all do, and to think otherwise is a tad foolish. To compound her blind spot, Ms. Dogooder raved about my wife’s blog, which lists the five things men do to encourage their wives/girlfriends to cheat. I didn’t bother to point out to the obviously gender-based hypocrisy that Delilah is engaging in with this because I believe she’d simply refuse to see my point.
Another Facebook friend took the completely opposite stance of Delilah. Apparently, Auntie Mosity enjoyed my blog but said my wife’s blog had upset her. I can’t help but wonder why someone would engage in an obvious gender bias in the completely opposite direction. Could it be that Auntie is tougher on women than she is on men, and finds it easier to forgive men of the same transgressions she would damn a woman for? I can’t say for certain because I’m not inside her head but I will say that I believe that she, too, missed the point of both mine and my wife’s blogs. Rosemary and I were looking to illuminate, not castigate, but I guess you win some, you lose some.
Last but not least is my friend Nie Eve E’Tay. She was the hardest one to reach because apparently she lives in a binary world where everything is black and white. According to Ms. E’Tay, cheating is always and only about the cheater and never the cheated-upon. According to her idea of a perfect world, if someone in a relationship is tempted to cheat, they owe to their partner to terminate the relationship before they indulge in their carnal desires. And in a perfect world, people wouldn’t marry people for money and/or lifestyle, nor would they date or marry someone just for their looks, and they most certainly wouldn’t use people for sex. Thing is, we don’t live in a perfect world; in fact, there’s no such thing. So as far as I’m concerned, any “perfect world” argument is bullshit.
Both my wife and another Facebook friend tried to get Nie Eve to see that my post was not condoning cheating nor was it justifying the reasons men cheat. Sadly, neither of them could get through to her. She steadfastly clung to her assertion that the cheated-upon are innocent victims in all of this, which is no surprise. Everybody wants to be a victim these days because this status gives people a blank check to harm others in the name of personal “empowerment.” And if you call them out on their behavior, you’re “blaming the victim” and a horrible person. It’s sad that the moral of the story was lost upon Nie Eve but I should probably cut her some slack… or it’s proof positive that I hate women.
Despite the opposition, I’m glad I wrote the piece about cheating. While the point escaped three people, the majority of my friends – as well as many people I don’t know – understood where I was coming from and were able to apply it to their lives. Kudos to them! I can only hope everyone sticks with me as I delve into deeper and even darker waters in the future. The blog’s name is Trauma Central, after all!